Reflect Not Relive
It’s okay to reflect on what happened, but try not to relive what happened.
The more I share my experiences with yall, the more I am able to see the lessons and teachings I am supposed to take away so that I won’t relive those situations over again. You see as an English teacher, it’s easy for me to see the patterns in the literature or the plot twist, but when it came to my own life, it wasn’t quite that easy. I never considered analyzing myself so that I could better understand who I am and why my life is the way it is.
A few things have become clear for me, but one thing stands out above all else: I wasn’t taught to self-reflect or to learn from lessons that life tried to teach me. Instead I was told who to be, how to be, what to be, and why to be. I wasn’t taught that life was all about discovery: discovering what works and what doesn’t, and the only way to do that is to live it, to examine it, revise it, and do it all over again making edits and cuts along the way.
Not being free to discover, made me afraid to try. Even being a dreamer felt wrong, and now I know why. All my life I have been surrounded by people who were afraid of losing control who always restricted the movements of others, people who were afraid to live their own lives who always placed judgement on others, and people unable to see the beauty in others without wanting to claim it for their own always trying to knock others down a peg or two. It wasn’t “like” a being between a rock and hard place because I literally lived between a rock and a hard place, and I have been fighting my way out of it all my life.
Reflection has taught me to see that people who don’t know any better, can’t do any better. Reflection has taught me that life is to be lived and learned from. Reflection has taught me that when learning happens, change follows. Reflection has taught me that if I am to grow, I must first let go of what I cannot control. Reflection has taught me to look back and forgive, not relive.
Now when I look back, I see how far I have come and the transformation that I have undergone and continue to experience, and I am filled less and less with regret and shame, and more with warmth and compassion, and I am able to smile a smile of recognition that I am discovering who I am and who I was created to be, and I am happier. Reflection makes me happier.
